Helping your toddler understand the meaning of both Yes and No
One of the first types of questions that children learn to answer is yes or no questions about what they want. These are motivating questions for children because when they respond, they will either get something they like or avoid something they don’t like.
Before children can answer these types of questions, they need to understand the meaning of both “yes” and “no,” as well as the meaning of the words they are saying yes or no to.
Keep in mind, most children learn “no” before they learn “yes.” It’s also common for children to overuse “no” in the beginning, even when they really mean “yes,” because they’re still learning to use both words accurately.
If your toddler says no to everything, or hasn’t started answering yes or no questions, use these tips and activities to learn the meaning of both yes and no.
Tips for teaching yes or no questions at home
Tip 1 - Practice with things that are motivating for your child
To start, it’s best to teach your child using yes or no questions about things you know they love and things you know they strongly dislike — this way, you can anticipate their answer and correct their response, if necessary.
Practice with both likes and dislikes to give your child ample opportunity to learn both “yes” and “no.” This is especially important if your toddler says no to everything right now.
At first, your child may respond to these questions by shaking their head yes or no. If they do this instead of saying a word, you can say the word for them. For example, if you ask “Do you want to eat?” and your child shakes their head no, you can say, “No, I don’t want to eat” with emphasis on the word “no.” With practice, your child should start to understand and use the words themselves.
Tip 2 - Help your child differentiate between “yes” and “no”
A great strategy to teach your child the difference between “yes” and “no” is to respond according to what they said, even if you know they meant the opposite.
Say your child loves oranges. Show them a plate of orange slices and ask, “Do you want oranges?” If your child says “no” but you know they mean yes, you should respond accordingly. Put the orange slices away and say, “No, you don’t want oranges.” When your child protests because they’re upset they didn’t get the orange slices, you have the opportunity to re-ask the question and model the correct answer. “Do you want oranges? Yes! I want oranges. Yesss.” Nod your head while you say yes to reinforce the meaning with a gesture your child probably already understands. Then give them the oranges.
In this exercise, you’re helping your child learn yes and no AND helping them realize the power of using words to get what they want. This is another really great strategy to use if your toddler says no to everything at the moment.
Tip 3 - Use the response you want your child to use
You can expect your child to respond to your yes or no questions using the same variations that you and other people in your household use. If you yourself say “yeah,” “yep,” or “uh-uh” to answer yes or no questions, it’s likely your child will use these words too.
There’s no wrong word to use; however, if you want your child to answer “yes,” and “no,” then you should make sure to use those words throughout your day when you respond to yes or no questions. Children are sponges at this age, so it’s important that we model for them the language we want them to use 😀
Download our at home activities guide for teaching your toddler to answer yes or no questions ↓
At home speech therapy activity for teaching yes or no questions: Snack time choices
Materials:
A variety of snack options, some preferred and some not . Ideally small amounts of about 6 snack items.
Pro tip: It can be fun to offer small amounts of various items in a muffin tin, instead of a plate for a new variation.
Set-up:
Offer your child their snack with just a small amount of 1 preferred item. They will likely want more soon, so be ready with other snacks prepared and ready to grab. I recommend at least 6 options to work through, but you can definitely do this activity with less.
What to do:
Read your child’s cues for when they are wanting more snack/still hungry. Then offer 1 item with consistent phrasing of “Do you want ____?”
If they say yes, offer them a small amount of that item.
If they say no, acknowledge that and offer a small amount of something else.
If they don’t answer at all, ask again. If they still don’t answer, model what you think their answer is, and offer accordingly or move on.
You are offering a smaller than typical portion to give more opportunities to communicate about their preferences. If you offer a full portion of goldfish crackers at first, then you only get to ask about goldfish crackers once. But if you just give them a few, then you can ask if they want more a few times, meaning you asked with repetition about 4 times.
What to say:
You want to use a consistent phrase at first, such as “Do you want ____?” or “want more _____?”
Do you want apples?
Want more cheese?
Do you want peppers?
Oh, you want more goldfish crackers?
If they’re using another way to communicate that they want more, such as reaching, pointing, or naming the item, you can act as if you don’t understand
“Ohhhh, you want more ___?”
You can even sabotage a little bit. If you know they’re pointing to apples to request more, you can ask if they want something else first.
“Do you want chicken?” —> you’re looking for a No response.
Then go back to the apples you know they want
“Oooh, you want more apples?” —> looking for the Yes response.
Note: We typically want you to acknowledge all attempts your child is making to communicate, meaning that in the above example, if they are requesting apples, you wouldn’t ignore that and offer chicken. But trying this for a few minutes within this activity is ok, to push for a little higher communication level :)
Get 2 more fun and doable at home activities when you download the guide ↓
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Created In Collaboration By:
Stephanie Keffer, MS CCC-SLP
Stephanie Burgener-Vader, MA CCC-SLP
Melissa Sartori, MS CCC-SLP
Yvette Faire-Bostick, MS CCC-SLP
© 2020-2022. Stephanie Keffer, MS CCC-SLP. All Rights Reserved.
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