2 year olds are known for seeking independence and testing boundaries. But, we do expect them to listen to what we ask of them most of the time, especially on their good days! 

By the time children are 2 years old, we anticipate that they can understand thousands of words. 

If your 2 year old isn’t listening to you - try these 3 things!

 

1. Don’t make it optional!

This is one of the most powerful and simple things you can do to get your child to listen to you!

In American culture we indirectly ask adults to do things for us by framing our requests as questions. When we ask someone to do something for us, it often starts with “Can you…” or “Do you…” It’s ingrained in our minds and we talk this way without even thinking about it!

BUT it becomes a problem when asking our 2 year old to do something because when we say it like a question we give them the option to answer, “NO!” 

Think about these things you might ask your 2 year old to do:

You: “Can you get your shoes?”    2 year old: “No!”

You: “Can you give that to Mommy?”    2 year old: “No!”  

You: “Do you want to sit at the table?”    2 year old: “No!”  

 

Instead of making it optional, tell your child what you want them to do - and it can be polite!

“Get your shoes, we’re going out to play.”

“Give it to me please.”

“Sit at the table, I will bring you a snack.”

 

Notice that these aren’t presented as a question or a choice - these tasks aren’t optional! 

Give it a try the next few times you ask your toddler to do something, I’ll bet that they are much more compliant when you tell them what you need them to do nicely, rather than asking them to do it! 

 

2. Make sure you have their attention

As a 2 year old, you’re still pretty new to the world and even the littlest of things are exciting and DISTRACTING! 

When you are asking your 2 year old to do something for you, it is so important to first make sure you have their attention. 

2 year olds are most likely thinking about what they are looking at. So if your 2 year old isn’t looking at you when you tell them what to do, it's safe to assume they probably aren’t paying attention, and therefore they are much less likely to do it. 

To help get their attention you can remove distractions - like a tv or tablet they might be watching - and move your body to get where your toddler is easily able to see your face. This way you’ll know they are looking and listening to you. 

3. Show them what you mean

Now that you are telling them what you need them to do and you are sure they are paying attention, the 3rd thing you can do if your 2 year old isn’t listening is show them what to do.

And here’s why showing them what to do is so important! 

While 2 year olds can understand hundreds to thousands of words, there are still a lot of words that they don’t know yet. The average adult knows about 40,000 words! 

So if your child isn’t following your directions, it could be because they don’t understand what you’ve said. Doing it together, or showing them what to do as you repeat directions, is one of the best ways to teach them new words and help them understand more commands!

For example, if you have their attention and tell your 2 year old to “Go get your hat” and they look at you quizzically, or they bring you a toy, or maybe they don’t do anything at all - then you have the opportunity to say it again and go with your child to get their hat. As you do it together, continue to talk about what you are doing: 

“We are going to get your hat. Your hat is by the door. I see your hat. Here’s your hat, let’s put your hat on.”  

Talking about it as you do it together will help your child begin to understand new words! 

Okay, let's review what we've learned:

If your 2 year old isn’t listening to you - try:

1. Saying it like a request, not an option

2. Getting their attention before you request

3. And doing it together to help grow their understanding

 

And if your 2 year old still isn’t listening to you, be sure to talk to your pediatrician. It’s possible that they could benefit from the support of an audiologist (hearing doctor) or a speech therapist. Your child’s pediatrician will be able to help you find the best resources and support for your child!

 © 2020-2023. Stephanie Keffer, MS CCC-SLP. All Rights Reserved.

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